It is the craziest things I think about when I’m working on a project. My husband and I have a small piece of land out in the country. It has a house and some out buildings. There are some trees and bushes and a pasture.
We decided one day to go out and cut down the blackberry bushes. There are 2 rows of thick, large, overgrown bushes that are out of control. So, our plan was to cut them down and see what all was in these massive bushes.
As we started, my husband carefully cut and pulled away, branch by branch. When we had a big pile, we took rope and straps and tried to get these tangled limbs drug over to an area out of the way. Did I mention they have thorns? Lots of big, pointy, rip the skin off your arms, kind of thorns. So, we had to be careful not to let these thorns and branches grab us.
As we cleared them away, little by little, we could see the root and stalk of the bushes. But there were other things there too. Planted in these bushes were trees, weeds and other kinds of plants growing. Because of all the crazy overgrowth of the blackberry limbs, it was hard to see all of this. There was also trash. Rubbish that someone left behind.
My husband began by cutting down the trees. Chopping away at their roots, pulling them out. Some were easy to pull out but others had been there awhile. The roots ran deep and were strong. But he continued to chop and dig and get these trees out of the bushes. He did the same with the weeds and other plants.
Meanwhile, I cleaned out the trash. Piece by piece, grabbing it and throwing it away. Useless trash. Things that were empty, used up, no longer having a purpose. But they hindered the growth and health of the bushes. Clearing it out so the sunshine and water could get to these places and bring life.
It was a process. It took time and effort and was painful at times. But, little by little, the mess got cleared away and we could see the strength and heart of the blackberry bushes. As we were doing this, I started thinking about my own life. There was a time when it was a big mess, problems and troubles overgrown. I was constantly reaching out to people, places and things to make me happy. Wanting them to make me feel like I mattered. Looking for attention and love but never finding what I needed. All of it, empty. Nothing satisfying. All of it reinforcing the lies I believed about myself.
When I looked at the trees that were growing there, I thought about words that had been spoken to me. Planted in my heart to bring destruction, not bringing life and strength. As I watched my husband chop at the roots, I remember when I had to cut down these lies and get rid of the wrong way I saw myself – things I thought about myself.
Some of the lies were easy to get rid of but some had deep roots. Some had been there a long time. The lie of being worthless. The lie of being unlovable or wanted. They had deep roots. Weeds of hopelessness and failure grew there to. Every situation that left me alone strengthened those thoughts, making the roots deeper and stronger.
Then there was the trash. Ideas and images of life that were empty. Things that other people threw into my life that stopped hope from flowing. Ideas without purpose. Making me feel like I had no purpose, no direction. Lost and tossed around from person and situation. All of these things choking out a good life, a healthy life full of joy and peace.
I had to make some decisions. I had to take a good look at my life and make some changes. It was hard to see the real problems because of all the troubles and problems that were overgrown in front of my eyes. I had to realize that my biggest problem came from blame. Blame caused all of my troubles and problems to seem untouchable. I was in a pit of despair. Desperate people do desperate things. When you are desperate, even bad looks good. If a person is starving, they will eat garbage. If a person is lonely, they will get into a relationship, even if it is with an abusive person, just so they won’t be alone. A person with financial problems will rob a place or break in and steal if they are desperate.
I know that a lot of my thinking and feeling were a result of hurts I received as a child. Sometimes the pit or situation we are in has roots from things in our past. But just because of that moment in time, it doesn’t have to control or rob from our future. Were those things real? Yes. Could I change any of them? No. I realized that people can’t give you something they don’t have. I needed someone to love and protect me as a child. But my parents did the best they could. Both being raised in dysfunction; they too were adults lacking.
The blame game can go back for generations. So, I have to stop blaming and start making decisions for myself, my health and well-being. Clean out the trash in my mind and emotions, start to believe I can have a great life. Every day is a new day with new opportunities and new people. Nothing is stopping me but me. If I change the way I think, I will change the way I live. The lies of worthless and unlovable had to be cut down and cut out. Believing I have worth and value. Believing I have a lot to offer people in relationships with me. Just like cleaning out the mess of blackberry bushes, it took time, effort and was painful at times. Was it worth it? Yes, it was. I don’t have to keep the words that other people have spoken over me. Who are they anyway? Just people. I am on my own journey in this life. I choose to be a builder not a destroyer. Therefore, I will only accept words that build and not destroy me. Just like my husband helped with the blackberry bushes, I needed help to get my mess cut back and cleared out. But it started with a decision. I did not want to live my life in the mess I was in. So how about you? Can you make a decision about your life? Can you step out of the pit of blame? Just say ok, it stops here. Today is a new day. Get out the trash and trees and whatever else is growing or hiding inside of the overgrowth of trouble. My life has a lot of good things growing in it now. And the blackberry bushes have grown into healthy bushes with sweet, delicious berries.