Dirty Windows

Our fixer upper house had lots of windows. Six foot tall windows and 9 foot tall ceilings. Lots of windows. Lots of old, dirty, rotting windows. You could feel the wind blow through. You could see the sunlight shine through in some places. These windows , of course, when they were put in the house were strong and clean. They were meant to let in the sunshine and to let the occupants see outside. But as time went by and they were neglected and left unprotected, they were covered up with heavy curtains and heavy plastic. Not fixing the problems but hiding them instead.

As we started on the room of choice, we had to consider the window. Could it be salvaged or should we replace it completely? Unfortunately, we had to replace them. The windows from years ago were not insulated, easy to break and hard to clean. A fresh new look from the inside out and from the outside in.

So what about me? What about the windows in my life. They say the eyes are the windows of the soul. Unfortunately what I had seen had been neglect and abuse, leaving me no choice but to hide it behind heavy curtains of shame and guilt. How I thought others looked at me was with judgement and looks of disapproval. I was one of the not- good- enoughs. One of the don’t- fit- ins. I was shy and withdrawn. Hiding in my shell, behind my curtains. I didn’t have a voice or an opinion. My soul (emotions, intellect and will) were lacking strength, confidence and wisdom. Tangled up in thoughts of being a victim and self pity. Having the attitude of being stuck in a place that I was given. No choice to leave it.

Why couldn’t I see that life had so much more to offer than my little spot I stood in. It was my windows. They only knew what they had seen. Having my eyes looking at the ground, the spot I stood in: shame will do that. A short leash, not seeing what was all around me. My windows had rottenness, dirt and neglect. Covered up by lies I believed about myself and other people. No trust. Believing that life was just a struggle and people were the haves and the have nots. Everyone I knew or met were the have nots. They lived the same way I did. Guarded, angry, self centered, complaining, poor me, sick, sad and broke. When you are surrounded by darkness, you need to find a light.

So I did. A friend of mine had started a new relationship with someone. She had been raised in similar craziness as a child. Her life as an adult was full of consequences of bad decisions. Being hopeless and helpless to change things, she stepped out of what she knew and dared to believe to have a different life. I watched her have peace in her life and joy, even though her circumstances were still lacking and depressing. Amazing. How could she start to enjoy life when, from all appearances it was the same. Something was happening inside of her. Her old, dirty, rotting windows were being replaced. She started to see life differently. She started to see people and situations differently. I wanted to know what was up.

I found out she had started a relationship with Jesus.Now don’t think she turned into a big religious person. That’s not what I’m talking about. I mean a relationship with Him, knowing He loved her and wanted her, just like she was. I started this relationship too. I found the light that changed my darkness. I also found people that lived differently. They had hope and peace. They had love and good marriages. People who had goals, dreams and ambition. People of faith. When you see through your eyes a different way to think and the ability to make better choices, life starts changing. I was pulling down all those old, heavy curtains that kept me in the dark. I made decisions that helped me trust and find my voice and my opinion.

I started to see life and people a whole different way. Instead of a place of being stuck, I saw that there was no limit to my life. I could believe for “abundance” instead of just a barely getting by life. I saw people as helpers on my journey. Some were here for a short while and others for a long time. Learning and growing, changing out the old windows for new ones. New windows that let the light and goodness of the world in, but insulated from the harsh heat and cold, the winds and storms. Just like the rooms in my house, taking out the windows not only changed the way we could see outside, but it made the house look better on the outside.

People can see your changes. You can be a light in someone else’s darkness, in their struggle. When people see your joy, your peace, loving life, it will draw them out. Giving them hope for a better life. I heard a story one time. I don’t know who the author is but it was about a woman who looked out her windows every time the neighbor did her laundry and hung it on the line. Every time, the woman would tell her husband how the neighbor didn’t know how to do laundry. She always commented on the spots and dirt that was still on the clothes. This went on week after week.Finally, one week she looked out the window and said to her husband, finally she has clean clothes on the line, she must have learned how to do the laundry right. Her husband responded that it wasn’t the neighbors laundry that was dirty. he had cleaned the window.

How we see life depends on what we look through. I was looking through dirty windows. Guess what? Now that my windows are new, it is my responsibility to keep them clean.Don’t let the negativity of the world mess them up. Life is good when you see it in the light.