Slats And Plaster

When my husband and I began working on our house, we had to face a lot of obstacles. These obstacles demanded a decision. What should we do here and what about that? Of course, we knew we couldn’t change everything at once, so we started with one room and got a plan. As we started, there were many times it would be frustrating. Making changes can be that way. Sometimes the work itself is dirty and heavy, taking out slats and plaster, old windows and such. Sometimes it was time that we lacked. He worked a full time job that sometimes had long hours and call outs. I had little kids to care for and the rest of the house to take care of. Another area would be finances. Sometimes things would have to wait until we had the extra money to continue. But our vision and plans for a different home stayed in the front of our minds.
Changing our life can have its frustrations too. As great as our plans are, there are obstacles that will hit us head on as we start moving in other directions. Looking at the areas we want to change can be difficult. When we took out the slats and plaster, we got dirty. Dust and dirt filled the air, feeling like we couldn’t get our breath. We wore masks, of course. But some of the things we need to tear out of our memory are dirty. They can feel like they are choking us. They can feel like they are taking our breath and you CAN put on a mask. Put on faith that there is a better life when I get rid of this stuff. I can build a clean, beautiful life. Let me say here, we did not build the house, someone else put in those slats and plaster. Sometimes those places in us were put there by others. Other people’s opinion, their negative words. Words that tear down and shame us. Building walls of worthlessness. Sometimes it is other peoples actions. They abandon or neglect us, making us feel unwanted or not valuable. Building the walls of worthlessness. There could be abuse. Fists that hurt, hands that take our innocence away. These build walls of anger and rage. Putting shame on us. Feelings of worthlessness. All of this is a dirty job to tear it down. Heavy stuff to carry. But so necessary for a better life. We have to just start. Instead of hiding the dirt and secrets, and numbing ourselves with alcohol and food and work and sex, lets get free and healed. Taking out those walls that are separating us from our wonderful life.
Our new home started with a vision of something different. Then, we got some tools to help us do the job. That is what we have to do with our life. Get your vision. Make your plan. How about tools? Start with support. Before we started to tear out walls, we had to have support for the rest of the house. We had to make sure nothing else collapsed while we worked on this area. Find people to help you in this project. My husband was a big support. But I also had friends that encouraged me and reassured me that it would get better. My faith was my main support. Believing that God was for me and not against me held me up. Believing that He was with me every step of the way made me feel like I was never alone in this.
After we made sure we had support, we started with the tools. Tools to tear out and tear down walls that had been there for years and years. Of course we had hammers and pry bars, because some nails and boards we stubborn and did not come out easily. Some of these mindsets and feelings in us don’t want to leave. They have been part of us for a long time. Forgiveness is a hammer. It can beat down thoughts of blame and self pity. Thoughts of anger and rage and worthlessness. Forgiveness NEVER means what happened is ok. It means we are not going to let what happen hinder us anymore, separating us from moving on to a great life. Forgiveness comes in layers. You start by saying I forgive that person. Your feelings might not agree, but it is a start. When those thoughts and feelings rise up, you have to tell them, “That is in the past and I am moving on.” When we tore down a wall, it wasn’t just one hit with the hammer and it all fell down. It was over and over again. Moving from one on to the next. You might have to do this with memories, offenses and wrongs as they pop up. But do it. Forgive. Hit it with that hammer and be free. Dirty, yes. Messy, you bet. Worth it, ABSOLUTELY! Crucial to moving on, definitely. You will never have a fulfilling life if you don’t get rid of the baggage.
Now the pry bar was for the tough areas. Those places that didn’t want to go easily. That is where I held my justification. My excuses for being messed up. My blame. My reasons for being angry and careless and bitter. Feelings of getting ripped off in life. My pride and her sister self pity lived there. So what is the pry bar. Truth. We have to come to the truth of the situation. The truth is, it happened. It was said. They left, they hurt us, they didn’t care. Could it have been different. Yes. They could have gotten help to fix their brokenness. They could have said no to the impulse. But they didn’t. The truth is hurting people hurt people. Sometimes there is chemical imbalances, hormones, definitely wrong thinking. But what ever the reason, it still happened. So we don’t have to stay there. Look at it, deal with it, forgive, and leave it there. We can’t carry the guilt and shame of secrets. That is what kills us slowly. If your leg was broken, you would not think twice about getting it fixed. Why can’t we look at broken emotions and broken minds the same way?
So the walls came down. Dirty, dusty and heavy. It was painful and tiring. But now, we could clear away the rubble and start a fresh new look. A new living space that we could love and laugh in. Oh, the house walls too. Support, forgiveness and truth. Use what is in your hand to create this beauty from the brokenness.