Well, we bought an old fixer-upper house. It was occupied so it was “livable”. But we had a dream of a different house this structure could be. So, after we bought it, we started changing things. At first it was simple things. A coat of paint, a really good cleaning, taking out trash and leftover debris. This breathed new life into the old place. Like I said, it was livable, so we settled in and began this adventure called marriage.
Let’s just say, if you are married and remodeling the house you live in, there is plenty of agreements and disagreements to help you grow together. Learning how to communicate and listen to each other is the main problem in most marriages. It is ok to want different things and have different opinions about things. The problem is not learning to grow in your thinking and opinions. My husband had experience with building and restoring things. I did not. So, he had to learn how to explain his ideas and plans of actions and I had to learn to trust and be patient with what he was doing.
This is so true about so many areas in our life. There are many areas we are ignorant in (like me in home restoration) because we haven’t been taught or exposed to it. There is nothing wrong with that. What is wrong is to continue in the ignorance. I could have had the attitude that I don’t care, won’t listen or be part of it, and just argue and yell because of my impatience. My home was disrupted and in an uproar because of construction. I did not have an understanding of how long things took to be made different. I did not understand the process of tearing out before you can make things stronger and put back new and better.
This is the same way with being restored in our life. We have to have weak, damaged areas taken out and strengthen. Our emotions and our ways of self-love. Most of the time we struggle with life because we are always trying to run a race with others by comparison and measuring. Areas that others might have experience and knowledge in, and are doing excellent in, while we struggle and crawl in them. It takes having an attitude of being teachable. Many things in our beliefs that are half-truths and just down right lies, have to be recognized and dealt with. They are places of weakness and make us easy targets of destruction. Like in a house, they could be places for termites or mold to set in and eat away because we do not find out the truth for ourselves. And just like a house, we don’t tear out everything at once. But as we come to those areas where we have an opportunity to learn, we can be open to listen and seek out the truth.
So sometimes things will look a mess and I’m not going to lie, it can seem overwhelming. But if you keep your eye on the end and not on the process, it will be better. Knowing you are working on a goal or a vision of something different helps you stay in the race.
Like I was talking about earlier, when you don’t know how to listen or communicate, our relationships can be strained. Our life can feel pressures. But it is through these difficult times we grow and stretch and form character. We also learn our life is not about us, we are not the center of the universe. Sadly, most people have themselves as the center of their world and are frustrated and pressured to quit. Their thoughts are telling them that it is not what they thought it was going to be. Its ok. Again, taking those thoughts and expectations and being open to learn new ways or patience.
Ugh, patience right. We tend to be in an instant mindset. Waiting for something is not acceptable. Can I just say right here, just like this old house, our life did not become a mess overnight? It will not be restored overnight either. But with each weak board, each crack in the wall, each pile of trash, we throw out or strengthen, we become free from the old life. That life of fear and defeat and depression. A life of loneliness and no purpose. That is what is waiting to be tore out, restored, made into a useful, happy, exciting life.
So, where do we start? With our house we looked at what needed fixed; cold air, critters, or other unwanted beasts would get in. Look at your life. What way of thinking or action opens the door to destruction and chaos into your life? We all self-medicate with things. I want you to look inside. Do you love the person in the mirror? Do you have a vision of the best this person could be? A vision of a great life to be right in the middle of. People perish or just fade away without a vision for their life. Every day we should look for ways to make ourselves better than what we were yesterday. The only one we are in competition with is ourselves. That keeps our eyes off of other people and their race. We should be cheering them on to keep up the good work and don’t quit when the race gets hard. Not looking to see if they are doing life right by what we think. Until you have walked a mile in someone else’s shoes, you have nothing to say. Can we be builders and not destroyers? The race is hard enough without opinions of others dragging us down.
Start with a vision of something that you would like to be different. It might be in your health, finances, marriage, friendships, your job, or your kids. There is an endless list. What you think is the root of the situation? If you think it is hopeless then it will be. If you speak negative about it then it will be. Instead of saying what you have, speak the vision you have for a different life. Are you lying? No. A vision is hope for a future change. If you can see it, it can change.
Surround yourself with people who have similar visions. When we started on our house, we shared our vision with each other. We went to home shows and looked at magazines. (there was no HGTV back then haha). But keeping our vision in front of us was very important. Again, it didn’t happen overnight and it was a big mess at times. Be patient. Be assured that you have value and you are worth having a wonderful life. Step by step, little by little, decision by decision, and your life will change. Nothing ever changes by wishing. If you continue to do the same thing you will get the same result. Pray. Ask God to lead you. He will show you the way out of your troubles. Be listening and looking for opportunities to learn, grow and change. We are only responsible for ourselves. Remember, just because other people helped in making you a train wreck doesn’t mean you have to stay that way. Pick up your hammer, it’s time to work.